Wednesday, March 9

formally resigned

My boss asked me for a formal resignation letter today. Just one sentence, nothing fancy and don't forget to backdate it. So I wrote him an entire page. Because I'm an overachiever. And a smart ass. Enjoy!

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Monday, February 28, 2011
Re: I'm Outta Here!

Dear Boss Who Shall Not Be Named on My Blog,

I quit you, my most awesome boss ever. I quit this job where I learned so much. I quit my co-workers who will cry unexpectedly in the break room getting coffee, wondering why they feel so empty. Then they will remember, that's right. Linh has left us. Forever.

I quit streaming video and pretending you not noticing that I noticed that you were looking the other way. I quit quickly closing all my windows so you wouldn't nag me for reading blogs instead of working on orders. I quit web images, event season, dual process and caps!

I quit whiny co-workers from other departments bringing down morale with their constant complaining. I quit 50 million treat day emails but I will never quit treats. I quit endless pleas on Trading Post begging me to buy trash bags, cookie dough and Avon products I would never use.

I quit the refrigerator lady throwing away my creamer every week because I "forgot" to take it out but will leave my block of cheese in there for three weeks. I quit 30-minute lunches because I'm more of a 3-martini power hour lunch kind of girl.

I quit getting creeped out a by a certain someone who always holds open the door for me even though I'm halfway down the hall. Today he said, "I hope we didn't corrupt you too much." I quit inane small talk with people passing down the hall. How you doin'? Fine, just fine. Can we move along now?

I quit making birthday cards, decorating desks and making monthly calendars even though I really like to do all of those things. Maybe I will come back and be your special birthday elf. But don't count on it. I am notoriously you know.

I quit employee recognition days because I never got recognized for being so freaking awesome. So I was a little bit sloppy with my work. Can't we focus on the positive? Like how great I was at the cheapest team builders ever? Relive the memories with me boss: staring contest, chocolate cake in a mug, color days. I rest my case. I will gladly accept employee of the month after I leave. Mail me the check. I will email a picture of myself jumping in joy!

I quit my 20-minute commute. I quit a regular paycheck and benefits. I quit moving desks every few months. I quit working next to my best friend and complaining to her about my sisters. I quit my new friends, Jill, Scott, Chris and Carrie who made it worth coming to work. Not totally worth it, but they did make it better.

I quit waiting for the weekend to drink. Oh wait. I never did that.

I quit. I quit. I quit.

My last day will be Friday, March 2011. Two days before three consecutive Sundays of event overtime. I left you in a pinch and I feel bad so a million apologies for not being more Rachel.

Your soon-to-be-former employee,
Linh, Badge #6957

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I thought twice about posting this, but George encouraged me to publicize my craziness. My bff said, you're not really turning this in are you? She is the voice of reason. But I like to be kind of naughty. 


Vanessa Van Goethem-Piela said...

Well, by far the most creative resignation letter I've ever seen. I think I can smell that bridge burning from here, though. :) That boss probably doesn't know what hit him!

Jeanne said...

Brilliant! You are crazy great!

Anonymous said...

i love this. :)

jdtinkc said...

Beautiful!! Now when can i expect my balls to drop like yours?

Blair + Rachel said...

I'm printing this out! Thanks for the love. Sooo shopping power lunch next week?!

Anonymous said...

holy cow, Linh. there's got to be money in this. I think a late night talk show would jump on this. you would be famous.